Marriage is a beautiful journey, but let’s be real—long-term commitment can take a toll on your sex life. What once felt spontaneous and thrilling can become predictable and routine. If you’ve been married for years and are wondering how to reignite the spark, you’re not alone.

Here are nine expert-backed tips to keep your intimacy sizzling, no matter how long you’ve been together.

🔥 1. Prioritize Alone Time

"Plan one curfew-free night every six to eight weeks," suggests psychotherapist Esther Perel. "Get a sitter or arrange for the kids to stay elsewhere. Go out all night and reconnect with the excitement of your early days together."

✨ Why it works: It brings back spontaneity and mystery, reminding you both of your carefree, pre-kid days.

🚀 2. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity

Forget societal norms about how often you "should" be having sex. Writer Lesley Arfin shares, "We don’t count how often we do it, but when we do, we love it."

❤️ Pro Tip: Let go of the pressure and focus on making each intimate moment meaningful.

🍆 3. Accept That It Might Suck for a While

Trying for a baby, stress, and everyday life can make sex feel like a chore. Brand strategist Lisa Lundy recalls, "Sex became mechanical when we were trying to conceive. But once we became parents, things got steamy again."

⏳ Patience Pays Off: Phases of low intimacy are normal. The key is staying connected emotionally until things heat up again.

🎈 4. Take the Pressure Off and Do It When You Want To

"We’ve gone long periods without sex, but that doesn’t mean our marriage is failing," shares Juliet, married 12 years. "Now, we make a point to have sex in the bathroom at big parties—it’s unexpected and hot."

🚫 Break the Routine: Stop worrying about schedules and embrace spontaneous moments of passion.

💃 5. Play Dress-Up

"Whenever my husband travels, he brings back sexy outfits from lingerie stores," says Alice. "After the kids go to sleep, I do a striptease, and we have sex."

💖 Spice It Up: Role-playing and dressing up keep things exciting and unpredictable.

🔄 6. Forgive and Move Forward

Infidelity happens, but it doesn’t always mean the end. Esther Perel explains, "Betrayal runs deep, but some couples turn a crisis into an opportunity for growth."

💡 Rebuild Trust: If you choose to stay, use it as a chance to redefine intimacy and deepen your bond.

🍆 7. Don’t Share Everything

"You don’t need to know your partner’s every thought," advises Perel. "Not knowing everything preserves mystery and excitement."

🌟 Keep Some Secrets: A little mystery can make your partner more intriguing and desirable.

💪 8. Make It Happen, No Matter What

Alexa Wilding shares, "Even when our son was in the hospital for chemo, we made time for intimacy—it kept us connected."

😍 Stay Physically Connected: Even during tough times, intimacy can serve as an anchor for your relationship.

💋 9. Look (and Feel) Hot at Home

"I never lounge around in frumpy clothes," says photographer Kim Myers Robertson. "I wear cute slips and ballet slippers—it keeps things sexy."

💅 Self-Care Matters: Looking and feeling good for yourself naturally boosts your confidence and sex appeal.

💛 Final Thoughts

Keeping the spark alive in a long-term marriage takes effort, but it’s possible. Prioritize connection, embrace spontaneity, and don’t be afraid to mix things up. Your sex life isn’t doomed just because you’ve said "I do"—, with the right mindset, it can be hotter than ever.

🌟 Pro Tip: Add a bit of excitement tonight—whether it’s a new outfit, a surprise date night, or a spontaneous moment of passion. Your marriage (and libido) will thank you!